My Overall Success and Well-Being

Recently, a friend posed a question from a certification to several people, including me.

What are some habits or other devices, experiences, knowledge, etc. that you feel have contributed to your overall success and well-being?

I was a bit hesitant to provide my answers to these at first. I have some peculiarities that are specific to me because of my own context. It felt like I may be flaunting privilege in front of others. And maybe I will be.

I shared this with her and now here because I’m hopeful that there’s some benefit to others. I think there’s value in understanding what others think makes them successful. It helps everyone understand a bit more about what others define as success, and it shares other methods of being successful.

Both success and well-being are subjective. They are defined by the person asking the questions, “Are they successful? Are they well?” For my measure of success, it’s that I’m healthy, I’m happy, and that I’m able to do what I want, AKA have financial security. For my measure of well-being, it’s that I’m satisfied with myself, I have a purpose¹, I have mastery, and I have positive emotions regularly.

One last thing. I’m not saying I’ve achieved all of these things. I’m doing well on them, but there’s room for growth. There’s still an aspirational aspect to this. That said, here’s what I feel has helped me along.

Habits

• If I don’t understand something, I will ask or say something.
• Meal prep so I avoid having to cook lunch or dinner throughout the week.
• Stay off Reddit, TikTok, or other attention-consuming sites/apps.
• Work honestly and earnestly with a therapist.
• Read self-help books, not a ton, but some. There are similarities, but it’s the reinforcement that stays with you.
• I avoid alcohol during the week or whenever I need to be productive the next day; hangovers wreck me these days.
• Set goals each year, behavioral (I want to learn violin) and emotional (I want my familial relationships to be positive).
• Always pay off the credit card each month.
• Do a financial check-in every 3 months (review all assets and liabilities, and determine what large expenses are coming up in the next 3, 12, and 24 months). This gave me the confidence to quit my job and do nothing for a while.
• Use the cheaper products unless I’m constantly replacing them, or need to use them heavily.
• Splurge when it makes sense and I can commit to it.
  • For example, I paid $500 for a coffee roasting machine. I entertained making homemade ice cream but did it the hard way using a handheld electric mixer and a cake pan. We rarely eat ice cream, so it was unlikely that I’d stick with this hobby.

Devices

• I have a spouse who pushes themselves to be their best, which is infectious and makes me try harder.
• My website / blog as it lets me voice my opinions and receive feedback from others.
• Daylio app for mood tracking and assisting with reflection.
• Having a home and work environment that’s conducive to what I want to do (my stuff makes my life easy, not difficult).
  • Zojurushi water heater for tea and coffee.
  • Generic, cheap French press for coffee.
  • Mechanized convertible standing desk from Monoprice.
• My home is well situated.
  • I work from home, and our house is a short distance from my spouse’s job, minimizing commuting.
  • Our house is a short drive to the cheapest and fastest grocery store due to its limited selection (Aldi).

Knowledge

• Effectively, the /r/personalfinance wikis flowchart. It’s exactly what we’re doing financially².
• My software engineering skills.
  • Over time have helped me be very confident in my decision-making.
  • Provides me with a fallback that lets me hold to my values and principles stronger.

Experiences

• Growing up frugal. Like my-microwave-has-two-dials-instead-of-buttons type of frugal. It’s easy for me to put off purchases or not spend money. It’s too extreme for where I’m at now. I’ve also seen this in my purchasing decisions for the organizations and companies I’ve been a part of. Even though I am working on being more willing to spend money, that experience was a major factor in acquiring financial security.
• The turmoil of 2020 changed things for me. It made me reassess where I’m spending my time. I started volunteering to train others and participate more deeply in open-source software, which has boosted my confidence, knowledge, and network tremendously. It also made me rethink how I’d like society to operate and where we fall short. I’m less willing to turn a blind eye and more willing to accept I have prejudices and preconceptions that are problematic.
• Reflecting on where I am at professionally and skills-wise compared to the general software field and the rest of the population. It’s easy to fall into the trap of only comparing yourself to who you look up to. I had a realization about trying to match these people. I was always comparing us on a single metric, and one that they are already great at. It was demoralizing and set up so that I always lost. So now I occasionally look behind to see and appreciate my growth. It’s made me less anxious and insecure.
• Emily honestly asking me why I would get so angry. It got me into therapy to better respond when my emotions start rising. I’m not perfect, but I’m much better than I used to be.